


Why They Changed It I Can't Say

by homosociallyyours



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Play, Based on a Tumblr Post, Masturbation, Mentioned Niall Horan, Minor Original Character(s), Safer Sex Supplies, Sexual Frustration, They Might Be Giants Songs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 06:37:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19000360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homosociallyyours/pseuds/homosociallyyours
Summary: It's a lovely day for a wank, and Harry is ready to go to town on himself. One very catchy tune manages to get in the way.Based on a friend's absolutely amazing tumblr post: "it’s really difficult to jerk off when you’ve got istanbul (not constantinople) stuck in your head"





	Why They Changed It I Can't Say

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this quickly for the Wank Fest, because how could I not? Especially when a friend posted what seemed to be the absolute perfect prompt for me on tumblr just a few days after the challenge was announced. 
> 
> Many thanks to them (Chu my darling, it will always be an honor and a pleasure following you through the dark) and to Lauren for organizing the fest. This little sugarlump is un-betaed, so any mistakes are my own and any terrible humor is evidence that I laugh like an adolescent chimp at all my own jokes.
> 
> Just as a note, OT5 is mentioned but doesn't appear, and an original child character appears at the end (nowhere near anything sexual at all).

The house was blessedly empty, and there was no way Harry wasn’t going to take advantage of the fact. Living in a shared house with his boyfriend and three of their best mates was great for cheap rent and splitting utility costs, but it offered very little in the way of alone time. So after casually checking that everyone was actually gone, Harry pumped his fist in the air and went to the room he shared with Louis to have a proper wank session. 

Obviously he was able to get off when he needed to. The house had three full bathrooms, and the room he shared with Louis had an ensuite so that he could easily pull one off in the shower whenever he felt like it. Not to mention he was living with his boyfriend, who was quite happy to trade orgasms with him any time. 

But for Harry there was nothing quite like a long, careful afternoon of getting himself off: turning on the perfect music, hearing the snap of a nitrile glove around his wrist and the slick blurt of lube spilling onto his fingers, opening himself up and then using whatever toy he’d picked out to really work himself up (and back down, and back up again) before coming loudly and making at least a bit of a mess. He’d done it in front of Louis a few times, but somehow it felt different when someone was watching, and he found himself getting off more on the performance of it than just the sensations. And that’s what he wanted-- the feel of it all. 

He pulled out his toy box and took out a dildo he hadn’t used in a while, a thick one that felt a bit too long if anyone else used it on him but that he knew how to work just right. It had a spot for a bullet vibe and he considered whether or not to put one in before settling on leaving it out. The dildo deserved the spotlight today. Supplies at the ready, Harry connected his phone to a speaker and queued up his “solo play” playlist. A classic. 

He laid back and took a deep breath, then hit play, tossing the stereo remote aside. He got out a glove as a classical music interlude began playing-- not something he remembered being on this playlist, but it really had been a while since he’d had a chance to use it --and slicked up his fingers till lube was dripping over his gloved hand and down his arm. He’d just slipped one finger in when the music tempo sped up and a reedy voice came on singing: 

“Istanbul was Constantinople  
Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople  
Been a long time gone, Constantinople  
Now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night”

He gave his stereo an angry look as he pulled his finger from his asshole and reached out his unlubed hand to grab the remote, only to have it slide from his grasp and fall off the bed with a clatter. He stood up, huffy and naked and very annoyed at the song as the band sang, “even old New York, was once New Amsterdam.” 

The song was nearly over by the time he got the stereo turned off, and he quickly realized that-- thanks to Niall’s scheme to save money by sharing a single spotify account instead of getting a family plan, no doubt --his solo play playlist had become a home for wayward They Might Be Giants songs. 

There was no use continuing to be mad about it, he figured. Losing his wank music wasn’t ideal, but he wasn’t going to let it ruin his fun, either. He tossed his glove in the trash and cleaned up the remote and some spots on the floor that had gotten accidentally lubed, washed his hands, and got on the bed to start again.

Taking a deep breath, he slipped on a new glove and got it freshly lubed up, wasting no time in getting a finger back inside himself. He was just beginning to get used to it and thinking of working in another when his brain supplied him with something to occupy the silence around him. “Every gal in Constantinople/Lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople.” Harry cleared his throat and shook his head once to get the song out as he started to press another finger into his hole. “So if you've a date in Constantinople/She'll be waiting in Istanbul.” 

Fuck. 

He huffed and cleared his throat again, trying to focus on the sensation of his slick fingers inside of himself. It was quicker than he wanted to add a third, but he pushed it in anyway, hoping that the stretch and burn in his ass would take his mind off of “--Istanbul was Constantinople/Been a long time gone, Constantinople.” 

“Auuughhh shut up about Constantinople!” He yelled into the quiet room. He covered his face with his clean hand, shutting his eyes and twisting his fingers in a way that could usually take his mind off of anything. Even that didn’t work, though. All he could hear was “that’s no. body’s. Business but the Tuuuuurks! Ohhhhhhh! Ohhhh!” 

“Bloody fucking hell, I’m going to murder whoever put that song on my playlist,” he muttered, rolling his eyes in frustration. He turned to look at the time and saw it was later than he’d realized. If he wanted to have a wank, he’d have to rush it a bit more. He bared down on his hand, letting out a cry when he grazed his prostate. He grabbed his dildo and slicked it up, wasting no time in getting it inside himself. 

“Ahh, fuck yeah, that’s it.” The words were punched out of him with every thrust of the dildo. He opened his mouth and moaned, just letting the sound fall out as he finally let himself touch his cock. It was good, finally. Perfect even. “Ahhh--” 

That sound was enough to kickstart the song again for him, and he lifted his head only to let it fall back harshly on the pillow before pulling the dildo out of himself and dropping it to the floor, too annoyed to keep trying to get off. 

When Louis got home twenty minutes later, he found a very frustrated Harry sprawled out on the bed, still angry at not being able to get himself off. He was happy to help, of course, and Harry was thrilled to reciprocate. 

*** 3 weeks earlier ***

Harry was getting ready to have a nice long shower (and a wank to go with it) when Louis’ call came up on his screen. He answered, of course. 

He heard a peal of laughter in the background as the call connected. “Hi, babe. What’s up?” 

“Hiii Uncle Harryyyy!!” A familiar little voice yelled. Harry had forgotten that Louis was babysitting. After a bit of a scuffle for the phone, Louis finally started talking. 

“Hey baby, I’m with Lily and she’s begging for a dance party. Need your spotify password, ‘m locked out of mine.” 

Harry rolled his eyes, a fond smile on his face, and gave Louis the information he needed. “You can pick one of my playlists as long as you’re not playing her the baby shark song or something.” 

“Oh, no. Her pre-school teacher has been playing the class They Might Be Giants songs and apparently that’s all she wants to hear now.” Louis sounded amused but tired already, and Harry figured Lily was extra energetic today, hence the dance party. 

“Consantanoble, pleaaaase Uncle Louis!” Lily seemed to be right by the phone again, and Harry flinched at the sound. 

“Alright, love, it’s on its way. Uncle Harry gave us his login.”

**Author's Note:**

> Fic Post [here](https://tmblr.co/Z0sn1v2iUjBch) if you wanna share it. You can also come say hello on tumblr! 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


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